MY 2015 AND HAVING A MUCH BETTER 2016

Well 2015 is over and I can't say how glad I am because it hasn't been the best year mostly full of lows but overall it's been shit and I really can't wait to say goodbye to 2015.January was just slow and sluggish and then by May it went even more downhill when my ex ended our relationship it was unexpected after 2 months of us being together a year that was the worst day ever.

We met at volunteering in 2013 and got together 5th March 2014 (he's not there anymore) I really thought I'd found the one, he was the best boyfriend I ever had and I was the happiest I'd been in a long time I thought we were good together and so did everyone else. I think this relationship hit me harder than my others because he was the one who treated me well and was always there for me unlike past boyfriends. I knew I'd found happiness for the first time in ages but it didn't last.

I did think the world of him and I was so happy to have found someone who was caring, kind, amazing I was on cloud nine with happiness and couldn't hide it if you saw my Facebook then you'll know what I'm talking about! we did so many fun things together like the Zoo, going to the beach, staying over at a nice country house and going to places I didn't even know about which was exciting.

He was the kind of guy I'd been looking for someone who knew how to treat a girl was always there and he made me happy. I held onto the pictures of us for a while I guess it didn't feel right deleting them but now I have it did feel good to get rid off them. After it ended he wanted to be friends but it was too hard for me when I still loved him I couldn't be his friend it was too awkward and I haven't really seen or spoke to him in ages. Sometimes I miss him and wonder what it would've been like if we were still together but really in all honesty I am glad he's not in my life anymore.

Things were becoming even more tedious and boring all I kept doing was volunteering been there for 5 years now (I wrote a blog post on it will link it below),Shaw Trust and signing on and it really wasn't a fun time for me because I just wanted was a job but it just wasn't happening anytime soon. I was so down and fed up a lot but even while I tried to be positive most of the time it was so hard and I just kept thinking is this ever going to happen? I really tried my best I applied for what I could and got some interviews but nothing came out of them some weren't that good but I learnt along the way. At times it felt like no one understood and I did get moaned at sometimes by some volunteers (at the charity shop) for being down but they didn't know what it was like and that hurt because I thought they'd be more supporting.

On November 11th to 26th December I finally got a Christmas job at Marks and Spencer in the Chelmsford store which I got trough Dan from Shaw trust. I was in the Food Hall on the tills, date checking food, putting out more food stock and endless asking people for their sparks card or if they want one!. I did 4 days Wednesdays 2-6,Thursdays 4-8 (I hated working till 8),Saturdays 2-6 and Sunday's 1-5 but the only downside was the getting there it took so long I had to leave a lot earlier than when my shift started so when I started at 2pm I had to leave here at 11:00am ,12:00pm when I started at 4pm and 11:00am when I started at 1:00pm on Sundays. I know I'd wanted a job for so long and I am glad I got one but I just hated the travelling so much and public transport is absolutely crap.

I really will be glad to get a job a lot closer to home. The people at Marks and Spencer seemed a lot nicer than when I was at Sainsbury's in 2011 they all just seemed to stick with people they already knew so no one really spoke to me and I wasn't very confident at the time. 

This Christmas has been rubbish it all went downhill on Christmas Eve when my grandparents weren't well not going into much detail but it hasn't been great and Christmas day just felt like any other day it was me, my sister and my mum for xmas dinner we were meant to have another relative but had to cancel because of what had happened. I will be glad when this year is over and I can start a fresh and start thinking of what I want to do and hope things get better. I hope to find a job, love and possibly have driving lessons and a holiday would be nice!

I think I will leave it here and say goodbye now to 2015. I am looking forward to 2016 and to see what it brings and I hope you've all had a better year.